Plumb-her

I've had a toilet that constantly runs after each flush if I don't take the lid off the tank part and readjust the flapper every time I flush it for months now.

To be more specific, it has been a problem since before Thanksgiving.

I remember this because I tried to convince my uncle he needed a new grain trailer at Thanksgiving so he could pop on over to my house and fix my toilet while he was in town purchasing said trailer.

Didn't work.

So, this toilet?

It's annoying.

But paying someone $100+ to come fix it for me is more annoying, so I've just been dealing with it.

I'm a farm girl after all.

Sticking my hand down the tank of a toilet is nothing.

I mean, lets be honest, my hand has inevitably been in worse places.

I don't know what got into me, but I finally decided yesterday I was going to fix it.

It may have been my co-worker, who I might add may have a future in motivational speaking, because she pumped me up so much telling me I could fix it on my own I went straight to Lowe's to get the part.

The whole time I'm telling myself I'm so awesome because I need no man in my life to fix things around my house.

I mean, I've made it three years as a single girl owning this house of mine.

And I'm an educated woman who can follow directions so there is no reason I can't complete this task on my own, right?

I pick up the part I need and look carefully at the directions to make sure they don't look too ridiculously complicated.

It should be noted that the packaging on the front of this package said it was universal and worked with all toilets.

8 steps.

I can do this!

I rush home excited about the sense of accomplishment I will soon feel.

I rip open the package and start with step number one: turning the water off.

I repeat to myself the infamous saying I learned at a young age, "Lefty Lucy, Righty Tighty."

I turn the valve to the right until I can't possibly budge it any further. 

I flush the toilet and water comes flowing back into the tank.

You're kidding me.

I repeat this at least three more times, water flowing back into the tank each time.

I'm annoyed at this point.

And my hand hurts.

So I call my friend Kyle.

He laughs hysterically at my misfortune and then decides that he can help me.

Pretty soon I'm taking pictures of my toilet and texting them to him while he is looking at his toilet and telling me what to do where.

I soon hear his toilet flushing in the background.

We have entered a whole new level of friendship, don't you think?

But I'm still on step one, and can't get my water to turn off.

There was a lot of grunting and perhaps a few curse words that ensued at this point because Kyle was doubting my ability to tell my right from left.

He may be remembering the time in Drivers Education where my instructor had to write an R on my right hand and L on my left hand because I kept turning left when he told me to make a right turn.

Whoops.

At this point Kyle is convinced my valve is broken.

Do you see how mangled that thing is?

I mean its all sorts of bent outta shape.

He concludes he can't help me so I hang up the phone with him but refuse to give up just yet.

I go get the pliers.

You know, the ones my Dad gave me when I bought my house.

The farmer man pliers that mean business.

I was going to show this stupid valve who is boss.

Then my friend Steve calls me.

He asks what I'm doing and I tell him that I'm trying to fix my toilet.

He wants to help me figure it out, so he tells me that I'm totally capable of completing this task and he will talk me through it.

Like an idiot, I believe him and start this whole process all over again.

I try to turn the valve to the right, it will won't budge, which means I still can't get my water to shut off.

He reminds me that if I continue to use pliers I may have a bigger problem than I started with (aka water spewing everywhere) and that I should put them away and never get them out for a plumbing project again.

Valid point.

I'm so glad I have smart men in my life.

Then, he wants me to send him a picture of what I'm looking at, so I do.

He tries to convince me that I can complete this task with water still in the tank.

A few more picture messages are sent back and forth, 20 minutes of friendly debating happens, and it is decided that I have the wrong part.

Universal my ass.

And this my friends, is why I will never be a plumb-her, and why I may, in fact, need a man in my life.

There, I said it.

Yes, that was somewhat painful.

However, the silver lining?

My dishwasher has leaked on and off for about a year.

I just so happen to be one of those red necks that has been putting a bowl under the dishwasher when I run it to catch the water.

Sorry, Mom. I know you're embarrassed.

Again, while the problem is annoying, the big bill that will show up in my mailbox when I called someone to fix it is more annoying.

If there is one thing I have learned since owning a home it is that plumbing issues are expensive. And if there is a work-around, it should be exercised.

So, the actual plumber is coming Tuesday.

And the annoying plumbing bill will soon follow.

But, I will no longer have a toilet that constantly runs and I will have a dishwasher that doesn't leak either.

Winning!