Monday, August 19, 2013

I Blame The Crutches

Have any of you ever had to be on crutches?

If you answered no, like I would have said 2 weeks ago, you are lucky.

So lucky.

These things are exhausting.

I can't even begin to explain it, but I COMPLETELY underestimated just how much these sticks would suck.

I am sore in places I didn't think were possible.

I'm exhausted in a way that doesn't make me tired but makes me hurt.

It takes SO long to do things and get places, which is irritating for a person who likes to get stuff done.

Moral of the story: I'm blaming these crutches for taking the creativity right out of me.

I think of something I want to write to you all about and I crutch to my computer, then just like that I don't want to blog anymore.

I promise I will be back with lots and lots of funny things to tell you about.

Because trust me, between moving back in with my parents, and being on crutches I have blogging gold people.

Blogging gold.

I'll have you laughing for days!

With that being said, I'm sure once I'm off these crutches (4.2 more weeks!) or the end is at least near, these stories will actually be funny to me.

Because right now, they borderline make me want to cry.

Like yesterday, I went to Wal-Mart with the roomies (AKA - my parents - it's just more fun to call them roommates now that I'm 26 and living at home for the time being) to get canning jars because I'm going to make jam with my Aunt this week. I got in the store and my shoulders hurt so bad I wanted to start crying. (I may have gone a mile on crutches the day before....I don't sit well, and I know it was stupid, but I feel worthless laying around all the time.) I told the roommates I couldn't crutch through the whole store because I WOULD start crying and they were just going to have to get everything because I needed to go to the truck. I just couldn't do it.

And then something ridiculous happened.

On my way to the truck, because I couldn't crutch away fast enough for fear of crying, this man appeared out of nowhere and started talking to me.

He of course asked what I did to my leg.

That question is getting old too... I really should make up a story to make it more fun saying something like, "I was working cows and this bull came out of no where and started coming after me, so I round house kicked him to the face and I won, but I screwed up my knee." Can you imagine what people would say??! Ha! Awesome.

Anyway, I told him I had knee surgery. He then made small talk with me, pulling out all these laminated cards that said "Ask me why I'm talking to you." "Boy do I have a deal for you...ask me about them!"

So, I asked him why he was talking to me because it's not like I could really walk away at this point. He tells me that he is working on his public speaking skills. He also tells me his Grandpa had a construction business, and he had passed away and willed the construction equipment to him. He now is selling magazines to handicapped folks like myself in the Atlantic Wal-Mart parking lot because he does not want to lose the equipment. It was his Aunt's idea.

I'm very impressed and full of sarcasm at this point.

Long story short, I said no. He begged me to buy a magazine and said he would wash my dishes for a year (insert eye roll here) if I were to buy magazines from him. I said no a few more times then finally he walked away and I was able to crutch to my truck in peace.

See why this is funny to you, but not yet funny to me?

OK I'm being a downer, it's pretty funny. It will just be a lot more funny when I'm no longer on crutches and I don't have to fear this happening to me again.

Like the time I broke my toe with my crutch. And yes, it was the toe on my good leg.

Or the time I wanted to mow the lawn, so I duct taped a garbage bag around my leg.

Or the time my mom brought me home a walker with wheels and I named her Zelda the Zoomer.

Blogging gold.

But I'm not quite ready yet.

So just hang tight, friends. I promise I'll deliver some funny stories soon.

In other news - recovery is going well. I have a follow up appointment with my uncle tomorrow to get my stitches out and talk about what is ahead in this recovery process. So far what I know is I will be on crutches for 6 weeks and in this fancy brace

for 8 weeks. However, I'm hopeful that my recovery will progress faster than most because I was in good shape going into surgery!

Also - thanks for your thoughts, prayers and well wishes! They are appreciated!

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